The significance of Gianni: A reminder of the power of flow.

Gianni is my beautiful and intelligent niece. Currently finishing up an undergrad degree before going onto her doctorate work in Psychology/Criminal Justice, Gianni reminds me that, sometimes, we all, even the ones making claims, need to be reminded of our own messages. In a recent email from my lovely niece, she recalled something I said to her many years ago …

She writes, “… you always told me that whatever I do in life, to make sure that I absolutely love it!! I think you called it something, anyway, you said I would know what it is when I get so wrapped up in it, that time seems to disappear, and I become transformed into this tunnel-vision that puts me on this whole other level. You told me that was my passion and I should follow it”.

She is writing about being in the state of flow. Author Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi defines and elaborates on this concept in his book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. In flow, time is suspended and work is seemingly effortless. It also signifies that we are on the right track in doing what we are intended to do. Unfortunately, we sometimes find that our circumstances – or fears – keep driving us to work that we will never, ever be immersed in or committed to. This is a cautionary tale, then, for those who wish to jam square pegs into round holes as a means to simply make a living. If this is the case, optimal experiences will be few and far between and that certainly isn’t a life.

Why do so many avoid living in a flow state? It may be because of the perceived sacrifices this conjures, especially if the career you truly need produces a different lifestyle than you now enjoy. This is how the term, golden handcuffs, came about; people locked into jobs they dislike but do it because it generates a nice lifestyle. That’s fine if attaining a particular lifestyle is your only goal. I prefer, however, to believe people are looking for that right fit career where flow is not just an occasional experience but a lifetime of total immersion and governed by their own standards. As Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (1990) wrote:

The solution is to gradually become free of societal rewards and learn how to substitute for them rewards that are under one's own powers. This is not to say that we should abandon every goal endorsed by society; rather, it means that, in addition to or instead of the goals others use to bribe us with, we develop a set of our own.

Reinvent yourself or self-actualize? Stop futzing around and become who you were intended to become.

Several years ago at some luncheon, I was seated next to a sales rep from Sports Illustrated magazine. He was in his early 30’s and, by most standards, financially successful. Our discussion led us to travel. I told him about my adventures of living on the island of Guam and, later, in Switzerland. He let out an audible sigh and lamented how he wished he could just pack up and go live in Paris. Underneath it all, he was an artist and his cushy life as a media rep just wasn’t cutting it.

Our neighbor spent several years working as a stock broker. His heart, however, was at sea where he had, for many years, before kids and mortgages, captained his own charter boat. One day, he up and quit his job, bought a catamaran in Tortola, and, to this day, runs charters through the British Virgin Islands. He recently returned from a transatlantic sail to Gibraltar. He doesn’t have the best cars, most fantastic house, or even a huge bank account but I can tell you, he is happy.

I think we humans are a convincing lot. We convince ourselves that, despite our burning dreams of becoming news anchors, writers, painters, or boat captains, when we become accountants, lawyers, or salespeople, it is somehow alright because we have achieved the best cars, largest homes, and fattest bank accounts. American dream and all that.

But there may come a time when you begin to think, and as the song goes, “Is that all there is?” I’m not talkin’ volume here but rather, asking, is this what my life has been reduced to? A car, a building, some cash? Where’s the adventure, romance, satisfaction?

When we read or hear about reinventing ourselves, it is almost as though we are required to come up with something new about ourselves. I don’t think this could be farther from the truth. I believe we are who we are from the start. The burning desire of being a news anchor, painter, writer, or boat captain was always there. And each of us knows why and how we got derailed and those reasons aren’t nearly as important as making plans to get back on track. It’s not time to reinvent yourself but time to self-actualize.

Famed psychologist, Abraham Maslow, in his Hierarchy of Needs, tells us there are several “needs” stages people must resolve before reaching what he termed, “peak experiences”. They are:

1. Basic survival – This is food, clothing, and shelter. If you are concerned about meeting these needs, this is where you will place your entire focus and cannot move onto the next stage until these issues have been satisfied.

2. Safety – Not entirely about feeling physically safe but is about feelings of comfort and believing you have some control over your life.

3. Esteem – This is about securing a place in your world where your esteem and belonging needs are met. We find this is in our community, at work, and in our family.

4. Self-actualization – Few seem to reach this level in which you are able to express your very essence. Operating at this level has you align your activities with your values, morals, and principles.

5. Peak experiences – Frequently referred to as being in “flow” state, reaching and then maintaining your life at this level has you living the life that was intended for you. In conducting your daily activities, time is of little notice. Everything you do, when aligned with your purpose, is seemingly effortless. Performing at this level has little to do with material rewards expectations. This does not mean rewards don’t come along, but activities at this level are not performed solely for the sake of receiving a bigger paycheck or having the ability to buy a boat. It is about living life by your standards.

There will be no shortage of articles on reinventing yourself. In fact, as of today, if you Google “reinvent yourself”, there are 803,000 websites that will give you some advice. But that’s not where you need to look. For the real answer, just look inside.

Money, passion, or comfort: Choosing a career that does not infringe on others

My youngest stepson, a college student, has worked part-time for a grocery store for the last few years. While I admire his stick-to-itiveness, during these years, he, like many others, has enlarged his lifestyle to reflect his earnings and his current wants. This is, more or less, to say that he spends nearly every dime he makes. His rationale is that, while he is young and without responsibility, he should be enjoying himself as much as possible. The future, as far as he is concerned, is some distant event – even if the “future” holds a car breakdown or an expensive traffic ticket, much less living expenses for when he goes out on his own. He sees little point in seeking employment that pays more or, in the alternative, saving some of what he earns for that “future” that rapidly approaches. He likes what he does, he is comfortable, and he is happy with the present desire-to-money ratio. The parents in his life, on the other hand, furnish him with room and board, college tuition, book money, health insurance, insurance co-pays, prescriptions, vacations, transportation for family events or emergencies, and picks up the occasional car repair. This allows him to continue his work, at his present pay, in an environment he enjoys.

In contrast, my friend’s daughter, Andrea, a poster child for independence, enjoys a great lifestyle but works her behind off at two jobs to maintain it. She whole-heartedly pursues her career passions without asking anyone to augment her choices.

This had me wonder if, when intending a career, should finding a job that suits one’s comfort or passion, without the associated financial consideration, be the entire goal? As much as it would be great to live in a world where everyone can indulge their passion or comfort level, without thought of paying a mortgage, feeding the kids, or keeping the lights on, this approach is not practical. In research I conducted on increasing life spans and adult child dependency, I learned that 40% of all 40-60 year olds are excessively dependent upon their parents. (Yes, you read those figures correctly.) This may mean that a number of adults are, in fact, indulging their desires without being concerned with financial remuneration from their work efforts. This also means that someone else, perhaps someone who is not pursuing their passion, is supplementing the other’s lifestyle choice or career aspirations.

I am not suggesting that choosing a career based exclusively on money is the wisest choice; far be it. Rather, I am suggesting that career intention without accountability is unconscionable. We are each accountable for our lives, without imposing the consequences of our decisions onto others – parents included! It is perfectly alright to pursue the sculpting, acting, medical, teaching, receptionist, et. al. career that you wish. What is wrong is when choosing a particular career and you come up short in supporting the lifestyle you also want, you assume someone else will fill in the gaps. The intention then becomes fulfilling your purpose but at the expense of others.

How intent is enough

In practicing or thinking about intent, it may feel as though there is a lot more you should be doing other than just intending. I mean, come on, how can just intending for something to happen actually generate results? Is just wishing, even really hard, for a particular job or career to come along enough to actually have it happen? You know, the answer may actually be, yes – but with a few caveats.

Caveat 1(and the most important): You first have to decide what you want.
Caveat 2: You then have to do the research on where you might find what you want.
Caveat 3: You have to approach these organizations and give it your all.

I stress the decision of what you really want as the most important as, I believe, most people either don’t know what they want or don’t believe they can have what they want. So, they settle for whatever comes to them. And, trust me, things will always come to you but it may not be what you need. But, you can have what you want, regardless of the obstacles you perceive. All you need to do is intend it.

Don’t just take my word for it. Read Kelly McIntyre’s, Does your dream job seem out of reach?

How on-boarding can help ensure employee success.

I believe there is some confusion out there as to what on-boarding actually means. At one global outfit, I was surprised to learn that local managers, one of which had an MBA, had not even heard the term. This is especially dangerous considering these are the same people who recruit and hire staff. So, what does on-boarding mean? It is the carefully orchestrated process of integrating a new employee into the organization with the goal of making them productive as quickly as possible. This can take many forms, including a formal orientation program or assigning a mentor to new staff. If there is any doubt as to the importance of this function, read Jim Kissane’s blog, Why on-boarding makes sound financial sense.

In the past, I have been the recipient of good on-boarding and non-existent on-boarding. For the former, my new boss educated me on the company’s politics, who to ask to get things done, gave me in-depth indoctrination to company systems, and made certain I understood all of the resources available to get the job done in the most efficient and productive manner. In contrast, another manager, at another company, left me to my own devices to learn how things got done. It was months of fumbling through company processes, systems, and people when, all along, the time spent doing this could have been spent in my actually performing my job.

When intending the career you want, make sure the organization you want to work for has a good on-boarding process in place. Ask when they expect you to become productive and what measures they have in place to ensure this happens. Personal intention carries a lot of personal responsibility and personal accountability but organizations have a duty to ensure employees are well-equipped with the tools they need to do their job.

How to intend your career: One extremely, inordinately simple formula

I want to focus a little more on “intending” your career. This is not a recent revelation, the idea of intending a career, but something I have known about for quite awhile. It is just that I forget that it is always possible; especially when there appears to be so many different career choices when a person is intrigued by many things. So, if you’re flailing about, wondering what you really should be doing with your work life, consider, perhaps, that the plan has already been decided.

I am aware that sounds a little (OK, a lot) fatalistic but I read somewhere, a long time ago, that the things we did as children, things that interested us, are an indication of our purpose for being. This is supposedly because, as children, we were still close to our originating source so that it was easy to remember our reason for being born in the first place.

As a kid, I loved to find better solutions to problems and fascinated why other people had difficulty or no interest in devising strategies for solving problems. The most dramatic example of this was when I was in the first grade. It was close to Christmas and the project was to make a glitter angel with glue, paper, and glitter. This was not a particularly challenging project. As my classmates lovingly sprinkled glitter over each millimeter of glue to produce an angel, I found their method to be too elementary (I am aware of the irony) and time-consuming. Yes, even at the age of seven I was looking for ways to consolidate activities to make people, myself in particular, more productive. So, after drawing my glue outline, I dumped the entire bottle of glitter onto the paper, my rationale being to gently fold the paper in two, and allowing the excess glitter to fall back into the bottle. Voilà, glitter angel. Let’s move onto the next project.

Unfortunately, this is where I learned my first lesson that some people are more interested in preserving their comfort zone or schedule than they are in innovative production techniques. My teacher, Mrs. Sheets, stopped me the moment I had dumped the entire contents of the glitter bottle onto the paper. She appeared mortified and proceeded to chastise me in front of the entire class for being wasteful and a “glutton”. A 7 year-old glitter glutton. I do not jest. She then had me dump the glitter back into the bottle so that I could start over even though after returning the glitter to the bottle I had my angel! Go figure. It took me many (adult) years to realize my teacher was annoyed because my quicker method to completing the project meant she would then have to alter her plans to accommodate my now free time and she was obviously not prepared for that.

As they say, I regress. At an early age, my aptitude, competencies, talent, and interests were clear. The problem was that this all seemed too broad. It would have been easier had I a love affair with insects, toy trucks, or the violin. Passion in those areas would substantially narrow the career choices. When your abilities are broad-based, however, suddenly there are too many paths from which to choose. But, if you look closely, what you should be doing is there, buried beneath what others think you should be doing (unless, of course, everyone keeps pointing out a specific talent you should be honing) or what you have resigned yourself to doing because it was available at the time you were looking. Neither is a good choice.

It’s not too late. It’s never too late. You can shift course, you can refine, you can choose. And you will be totally, completely, awestruck by the results. Your first step to getting to this is becoming single-minded in what you wish to achieve. Fear and doubt fall away when you see your goal.

I wish it were more complicated than this because then we would have an excuse for not having done it sooner.

Sometimes a road block is the universe's way of steering you in the right direction

I have a friend whose careers – plural – have consisted of being a professional baseball player, stock broker, and high school teacher. I find this relevant to intent as each of these careers necessitated the acquisition of specific education, skill sets, and certifications. Each career also required that he set his sites on a particular end result and devise a plan to achieve each one. More amazingly, each of these careers was borne out of desire. How many of us can say we have gone about our careers with such clarity and determination?

Businessweek online had an interesting article on how recent MBAs, unable to find a job, are starting their own business. (Find article at: http://www.businessweek.com/bschools/ content/jun2009/ bs20090618_346720.htm?chan=bschools_bschool+index+ page_top+stories) The article profiled one student nearing graduation who had applied for multiple management positions ranging from not-for-profits to the music industry but without success. The student, however, according to the article’s author, Alison Damast (http://www.businessweek.com/ bios/Alison_Damast.htm), is an “aspiring singer and songwriter”. In the end, she opted for starting her own record label. What is intriguing about this is that the noted student obviously possessed, at the start, and before entry into any MBA program, an innate interest and skill in music. Without knowing entirely how this particular student went about her job hunt, and only with the information at hand, nonetheless it asks her motive for seeking out a career in an industry or with an organization that may not be in a position to foster her true self.

Believe me when I write that I am not blind to understanding the possible motives for wanting to find a job to earn a living or pay back student loans. I’ve done it, many of us have done it, and have done it to ensure our survival. Hey, paychecks are important. But, and this is a big one, each time I have set my intent on finding the right fit for my talents and abilities at that given moment, opportunities have appeared, seemingly from out of nowhere, and with little more than an intentional prompt. As for my friend who set his intent on becoming a baseball player/stock broker/school teacher, the student in the article, not finding a "job" may have actually led her to her intended career after all.