Reinvent yourself or self-actualize? Stop futzing around and become who you were intended to become.

Several years ago at some luncheon, I was seated next to a sales rep from Sports Illustrated magazine. He was in his early 30’s and, by most standards, financially successful. Our discussion led us to travel. I told him about my adventures of living on the island of Guam and, later, in Switzerland. He let out an audible sigh and lamented how he wished he could just pack up and go live in Paris. Underneath it all, he was an artist and his cushy life as a media rep just wasn’t cutting it.

Our neighbor spent several years working as a stock broker. His heart, however, was at sea where he had, for many years, before kids and mortgages, captained his own charter boat. One day, he up and quit his job, bought a catamaran in Tortola, and, to this day, runs charters through the British Virgin Islands. He recently returned from a transatlantic sail to Gibraltar. He doesn’t have the best cars, most fantastic house, or even a huge bank account but I can tell you, he is happy.

I think we humans are a convincing lot. We convince ourselves that, despite our burning dreams of becoming news anchors, writers, painters, or boat captains, when we become accountants, lawyers, or salespeople, it is somehow alright because we have achieved the best cars, largest homes, and fattest bank accounts. American dream and all that.

But there may come a time when you begin to think, and as the song goes, “Is that all there is?” I’m not talkin’ volume here but rather, asking, is this what my life has been reduced to? A car, a building, some cash? Where’s the adventure, romance, satisfaction?

When we read or hear about reinventing ourselves, it is almost as though we are required to come up with something new about ourselves. I don’t think this could be farther from the truth. I believe we are who we are from the start. The burning desire of being a news anchor, painter, writer, or boat captain was always there. And each of us knows why and how we got derailed and those reasons aren’t nearly as important as making plans to get back on track. It’s not time to reinvent yourself but time to self-actualize.

Famed psychologist, Abraham Maslow, in his Hierarchy of Needs, tells us there are several “needs” stages people must resolve before reaching what he termed, “peak experiences”. They are:

1. Basic survival – This is food, clothing, and shelter. If you are concerned about meeting these needs, this is where you will place your entire focus and cannot move onto the next stage until these issues have been satisfied.

2. Safety – Not entirely about feeling physically safe but is about feelings of comfort and believing you have some control over your life.

3. Esteem – This is about securing a place in your world where your esteem and belonging needs are met. We find this is in our community, at work, and in our family.

4. Self-actualization – Few seem to reach this level in which you are able to express your very essence. Operating at this level has you align your activities with your values, morals, and principles.

5. Peak experiences – Frequently referred to as being in “flow” state, reaching and then maintaining your life at this level has you living the life that was intended for you. In conducting your daily activities, time is of little notice. Everything you do, when aligned with your purpose, is seemingly effortless. Performing at this level has little to do with material rewards expectations. This does not mean rewards don’t come along, but activities at this level are not performed solely for the sake of receiving a bigger paycheck or having the ability to buy a boat. It is about living life by your standards.

There will be no shortage of articles on reinventing yourself. In fact, as of today, if you Google “reinvent yourself”, there are 803,000 websites that will give you some advice. But that’s not where you need to look. For the real answer, just look inside.

Money, passion, or comfort: Choosing a career that does not infringe on others

My youngest stepson, a college student, has worked part-time for a grocery store for the last few years. While I admire his stick-to-itiveness, during these years, he, like many others, has enlarged his lifestyle to reflect his earnings and his current wants. This is, more or less, to say that he spends nearly every dime he makes. His rationale is that, while he is young and without responsibility, he should be enjoying himself as much as possible. The future, as far as he is concerned, is some distant event – even if the “future” holds a car breakdown or an expensive traffic ticket, much less living expenses for when he goes out on his own. He sees little point in seeking employment that pays more or, in the alternative, saving some of what he earns for that “future” that rapidly approaches. He likes what he does, he is comfortable, and he is happy with the present desire-to-money ratio. The parents in his life, on the other hand, furnish him with room and board, college tuition, book money, health insurance, insurance co-pays, prescriptions, vacations, transportation for family events or emergencies, and picks up the occasional car repair. This allows him to continue his work, at his present pay, in an environment he enjoys.

In contrast, my friend’s daughter, Andrea, a poster child for independence, enjoys a great lifestyle but works her behind off at two jobs to maintain it. She whole-heartedly pursues her career passions without asking anyone to augment her choices.

This had me wonder if, when intending a career, should finding a job that suits one’s comfort or passion, without the associated financial consideration, be the entire goal? As much as it would be great to live in a world where everyone can indulge their passion or comfort level, without thought of paying a mortgage, feeding the kids, or keeping the lights on, this approach is not practical. In research I conducted on increasing life spans and adult child dependency, I learned that 40% of all 40-60 year olds are excessively dependent upon their parents. (Yes, you read those figures correctly.) This may mean that a number of adults are, in fact, indulging their desires without being concerned with financial remuneration from their work efforts. This also means that someone else, perhaps someone who is not pursuing their passion, is supplementing the other’s lifestyle choice or career aspirations.

I am not suggesting that choosing a career based exclusively on money is the wisest choice; far be it. Rather, I am suggesting that career intention without accountability is unconscionable. We are each accountable for our lives, without imposing the consequences of our decisions onto others – parents included! It is perfectly alright to pursue the sculpting, acting, medical, teaching, receptionist, et. al. career that you wish. What is wrong is when choosing a particular career and you come up short in supporting the lifestyle you also want, you assume someone else will fill in the gaps. The intention then becomes fulfilling your purpose but at the expense of others.

How intent is enough

In practicing or thinking about intent, it may feel as though there is a lot more you should be doing other than just intending. I mean, come on, how can just intending for something to happen actually generate results? Is just wishing, even really hard, for a particular job or career to come along enough to actually have it happen? You know, the answer may actually be, yes – but with a few caveats.

Caveat 1(and the most important): You first have to decide what you want.
Caveat 2: You then have to do the research on where you might find what you want.
Caveat 3: You have to approach these organizations and give it your all.

I stress the decision of what you really want as the most important as, I believe, most people either don’t know what they want or don’t believe they can have what they want. So, they settle for whatever comes to them. And, trust me, things will always come to you but it may not be what you need. But, you can have what you want, regardless of the obstacles you perceive. All you need to do is intend it.

Don’t just take my word for it. Read Kelly McIntyre’s, Does your dream job seem out of reach?